good directions and turnip greens

I’m always really sarcastic on this blog, so I felt I should post the message I just received from some guy on OkC earlier tonight. It’s so nice, I don’t even know how to respond.

“I’ve got to say that for a free dating site I’m going to demand to the owner that you be paid for that profile. Yours is THE greatest profile EVER written in the HISTORY of online dating!

I swear I’m going to print it out and post it on my fridge for all my friends to admire! Keep up the good work you adorable lil nerd” 

So that’s really fucking flattering.

this is testing humility, right?

i’m sorry…what?

i can think of 8 people i pass on the way to work who would be offended by this question…

OkC always emails me about “Quiver Matches”. What the fuck is a quiver match?

okkkkk, cupid. that’s enough.

i so badly want to choose the last one

my boyfriend, part 4

my boyfriend, part 3

Here’s where our “relationship” got really good.

Recall that our first [and only] date was on a Tuesday night.

That Thursday was St. Patrick’s Day. He told me sometime on our date that he was heading down to Savannah, GA with some friends for the celebration [and absolute ridiculous hilarity] that ensues there for St. Patty’s. Not sure why someone who doesn’t drink/party/enjoy life would want to be in Savannah for St. Patrick’s Day shenanigans.

I check my phone around 10AM that day only to find a text from my boyfriend that, “A lot of girls are flashing [him and his] friends out on River Street” and that he would “go inside somewhere if it bothers [me] too much”. Please recall, again, that we’d only been on one [terrible] date.

My response to him was a fairly simple and straight-forward description of my feelings on the subject: “I believe the protocol is to throw beads”.